The Battle of Sleep

My husband has always been a professional sleeper. He can fall asleep in a matter of seconds. I, on the other hand, am lucky if I’m sleeping half an hour after my head touches the pillow. Not only can the man fall asleep at the drop of a hat, but once he’s asleep, there is no waking him. A car could drive right through our window and he wouldn’t bat an eye (a very plausible scenario since DC drivers are unpredictable!). I never really envied his sleeping superpower. After all, the only time it was inconvenient was when he would start snoring, which would keep me up even longer.

Then our daughter was born, and sleep took on a whole new level of sanctity. Now every time I see him sleeping, five minutes after he announces he is going to bed, it takes all my willpower not to shake him awake, desperately demanding that he teach me his ways!

Here are 5 times I wish I could borrow (steal) my husband superpower of sleep:

1. The middle of the night
Me: I thought I heard a noise. Did the baby cry? Is she hungry? Is she upset? Is she breathing!? I better go check. She’s fine. I can go back to sleep. It will only take an hour…
Him: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

2. When the baby will only sleep if she is held
Me: I guess I’ll just bring the baby into bed with us. Make sure all the blankets and pillows are far away. I don’t need blankets, I’ll keep warm by shivering. What if one somehow ends up near her? What if I roll onto the baby?! I guess I can go see what’s on Netflix…
Him: Holds baby while reclining on couch. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

3. Naptime
Me: She’s asleep! Good job Mom! We have 30 minutes until she wakes up, so go lay down. The kitchen’s a mess. I need to get the laundry out of the wash. I’ll do both after naptime. I can just put the baby in the carrier so I have both hands free. Wait, where is the carrier? What, she’s awake? That couldn’t have been 30 minutes!
Him: Ok, she’s asleep! Good job Dad! We have 30 minutes until she wakes up, so go lay down. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

4. Not your turn with the baby
Me: Dad’s giving the baby a bath and then going to entertain her until bedtime. I have about an hour until I need to feed her, sweet! Go lay down! I hope he’s using the organic baby soap, not the one with all the chemicals. I read an article that it will make her turn purple and grow a third eye. I better go remind him. Crisis averted! Lay back down. I don't hear any baby laughter out there. I wonder if she misses me. Maybe I should go check on her...
Him: Mom’s feeding the baby. Not much I can do there, I guess I’ll go lay down.  ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

5. Bedtime
Me: The baby’s asleep! Good job Mama! It’s early, but I’m tired, so I’ll head to bed. I didn’t clean the kitchen today, it’s such a mess. Crap, the laundry is still in the washer! I think I left the diapers on the clothesline outside. I hope the raccoons leave them alone… It’s been 2 hours! WTF! The baby is going to be hungry soon. Where did I put the Boppy and the tablet?
Him: The baby’s asleep! Good job Dad! It’s early, but I’m tired, so I’ll head to bed after playing a few games of Hearthstone.  ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Don’t get me wrong, my husband is a great dad. He is wonderful with our daughter and he even gets up in the middle of the night (after I shove him a few times to wake up) to help her fall back asleep. Watching my husband being a father has made me want to be a better mom and wife. I find myself loving him even more than when we were first married. Maybe one day I will learn how he does it. For now I will be content lying next to him, while he and our baby sleep peacefully, thinking about how lucky I am.