Paperwork Déjà Vu

It feels like we are stepping back in time.  Two years to be exact.  Exactly two years.  What was happening two years ago you ask? Two years ago we started the paperwork to adopt from Peru.  We went through the homestudy process and several thick stacks of paperwork.  We were even on a first name basis with the notary at our bank!  Partway through, we found out I was pregnant with Teresa!  We were so excited, but a little sad to have to put the brakes on the adoption journey.

Now that we are settled in Milwaukee, we have dived back into the paperwork chase!  Unfortunately it is hard to adopt from Peru with children already at home (one of the requirements for Peru is that the adopted child must be the youngest in the household).  In our search for what to do now, we have decided to apply for a foster-care licence.  

Our licensing specialist, Nicole, stopped by today for her first of five home visits.  She went through the first pile of paperwork with us, while Teresa repeatedly tried to pull the stack of forms from Nicole's lap.  It was refreshing to have a professional walk us through the applications.  For international adoption, we received large file downloads, that when printed were inches thick, with no instructions.  Compared to that, this should be a breeze, right?

The Battle of Sleep

My husband has always been a professional sleeper. He can fall asleep in a matter of seconds. I, on the other hand, am lucky if I’m sleeping half an hour after my head touches the pillow. Not only can the man fall asleep at the drop of a hat, but once he’s asleep, there is no waking him. A car could drive right through our window and he wouldn’t bat an eye (a very plausible scenario since DC drivers are unpredictable!). I never really envied his sleeping superpower. After all, the only time it was inconvenient was when he would start snoring, which would keep me up even longer.

Then our daughter was born, and sleep took on a whole new level of sanctity. Now every time I see him sleeping, five minutes after he announces he is going to bed, it takes all my willpower not to shake him awake, desperately demanding that he teach me his ways!

Here are 5 times I wish I could borrow (steal) my husband superpower of sleep:

1. The middle of the night
Me: I thought I heard a noise. Did the baby cry? Is she hungry? Is she upset? Is she breathing!? I better go check. She’s fine. I can go back to sleep. It will only take an hour…
Him: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

2. When the baby will only sleep if she is held
Me: I guess I’ll just bring the baby into bed with us. Make sure all the blankets and pillows are far away. I don’t need blankets, I’ll keep warm by shivering. What if one somehow ends up near her? What if I roll onto the baby?! I guess I can go see what’s on Netflix…
Him: Holds baby while reclining on couch. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

3. Naptime
Me: She’s asleep! Good job Mom! We have 30 minutes until she wakes up, so go lay down. The kitchen’s a mess. I need to get the laundry out of the wash. I’ll do both after naptime. I can just put the baby in the carrier so I have both hands free. Wait, where is the carrier? What, she’s awake? That couldn’t have been 30 minutes!
Him: Ok, she’s asleep! Good job Dad! We have 30 minutes until she wakes up, so go lay down. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

4. Not your turn with the baby
Me: Dad’s giving the baby a bath and then going to entertain her until bedtime. I have about an hour until I need to feed her, sweet! Go lay down! I hope he’s using the organic baby soap, not the one with all the chemicals. I read an article that it will make her turn purple and grow a third eye. I better go remind him. Crisis averted! Lay back down. I don't hear any baby laughter out there. I wonder if she misses me. Maybe I should go check on her...
Him: Mom’s feeding the baby. Not much I can do there, I guess I’ll go lay down.  ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

5. Bedtime
Me: The baby’s asleep! Good job Mama! It’s early, but I’m tired, so I’ll head to bed. I didn’t clean the kitchen today, it’s such a mess. Crap, the laundry is still in the washer! I think I left the diapers on the clothesline outside. I hope the raccoons leave them alone… It’s been 2 hours! WTF! The baby is going to be hungry soon. Where did I put the Boppy and the tablet?
Him: The baby’s asleep! Good job Dad! It’s early, but I’m tired, so I’ll head to bed after playing a few games of Hearthstone.  ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Don’t get me wrong, my husband is a great dad. He is wonderful with our daughter and he even gets up in the middle of the night (after I shove him a few times to wake up) to help her fall back asleep. Watching my husband being a father has made me want to be a better mom and wife. I find myself loving him even more than when we were first married. Maybe one day I will learn how he does it. For now I will be content lying next to him, while he and our baby sleep peacefully, thinking about how lucky I am.

Multiculturalism: Aisle Four

You think you are being stealthy, with your sidelong glances.  Loading your chef boyardee, and greek yogurt on the conveyer belt, you strain to hear what I am saying.  Don't worry, your eyes and ears are not playing tricks on you.  You are in fact seeing a blonde, pasty white gringa talking to her equally pale baby in Spanish (with a Peruvian accent, thank you very much).  A few phrases later, you are no longer trying to hide your distain.  After all, I’m not Hispanic.  My baby isn’t Hispanic.

Why then speak in Spanish?

I could tell you there are 45 million Spanish speakers in the United States.

No? Not good enough?

Well, I could say I want my baby to grow up bilingual. After all, speaking 2 or more languages offer countless advantages throughout life.

Ok, I guess.

How about I want her to learn from other cultures?

But this is MURICA!

What you don't know, as you mutter "we speak English here" under your breath, is that I want my daughter to grow up immersed in part of her culture.

That's right, HER CULTURE.

You don't know about a life-long friend who decided I was no longer her friend but her sister.

You don't know about her abuelita, proudly introducing me as her granddaughter everywhere we went.

After all, you can only live with someone for so long, share so many holidays, laughter and tears, before they become family. And if that isn't sufficient, only a grandma insists on holding a grown woman's hand, as if she were a child, when crossing the street!

You see, judgy stranger, I'm sharing much more than the gift of language with my daughter.  Without Spanish she wouldn't be able to communicate with this loving family who has embraced her as one of their own.  My daughter now has aunts to teach her how to make ají de gallina and ceviche, uncles to scare away any chico who isn't up to snuff (which will be all of them, sorry chiquita!), and the sweetest great-grandmother who will hold her hand to cross the street.

Maybe this grocery run was first time you had a break from your kids all week.

I get it.

Maybe you were having a bad day.

Trust me, I’ve been there.

Obviously we have differing views, but we are still mothers.  We both want what’s best for our children and spending time with her extended family in Peru will only enrich my daughter’s life. My infant may not be old enough to pick up on this awkward encounter between you and me, but one day she will be.  I don’t want her thinking that there is anything wrong with her multicultural family.

So the next time we pass each other in aisle 4, unless you plan on holding my daughter’s hand every time she crosses the street, please keep your narrow minded mumblings and your six boxes of mac and cheese to yourself.